Tips to Get You Through the Holidays

Grabbed above picture from this site

The Holidays. Bah Humbug. Just kidding, I love the holiday season, but honestly, it can be an exhausting, emotional roller coaster! Too often, what should be a time of reconnection with family and a celebration of the past year turns into something that feels more like work than it should. Not to mention the mounds and mounds of food and sweets that you're often surrounded by (potlucks, parties, cookie exchanges, etc.), resulting in overindulgence, physical discomfort (i.e. hangovers and sluggishness), and guilt for having given into temptation. Then comes New Year's Eve which can sometimes be the last hurrah in overindulgence followed by strict, Puritanical New Year's resolutions that often get discarded by the middle of February. This year I've been trying myself to keep things in perspective and not let myself fall into the same habits of previous years. So I thought I'd share with you a few tips from my personal Holiday Survival Guide. And away we go!

Evlyone's a Ritter Bit Lacist!

The muppets got it right. The Avenue Q muppets, that is. Check out the little excerpt below from one of the songs they sing...

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist! (sung by the Asian muppet)

"Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race...."



Avenue Q is a hilarious musical and I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone. This song in particular has been humming in the back of my mind the past week and a half as I've been constantly confronted by small acts of racism that people I know have been enduring. Fortunately, I myself have not been the target of these attacks, but, in a way, when anyone is attacked, we should all as a community be hurt, offended, and horrified.

I'm shocked. And not in a good way. I know I can be naive, but admittedly I'm guilty of thinking we've moved beyond random statements like, "Go back to China!" Actually, this happened to me once. Over ten years ago, I was walking through Covent Garden in London during my junior year abroad in college and I passed by an elderly gentleman in a suit and tie holding a briefcase who said to me in a normal tone of voice without ever looking me in the face, "Go back to Japan." I took a few more steps, disbelieving my ears, came to a faltering halt and turned around. He was already far away and it certainly wasn't worth it to run back to him and ask him what in the hell he meant by that. I know what he meant and it's not like I was going to fundamentally change his attitude towards me or my race (I'm Korean, by the way) that day. So I continued on, bemused by the events of the day, never to see or hear from him, or anyone like him, again.

That may have been ten years ago, but trust me, it still happens today.

OD'ing on Tech?

Wall-E

Prepare yourselves, I'm about to get up on my soapbox. 

This morning, I opened up an article on Psychology Today called, "Cyber Etiquette for Teens." The article starts:

"Computers and modern technology are taking up a lot of teen's time. While there are some perks to technology there are also some negative things associated with it. A national survey by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation found that kids between the ages of 8 to 18 are spending an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes per day using entertainment media (i.e., phones, computer, television, mp3 players or other electronic devices) that's more than 53 hours a week! And because our teens are so good at watching TV while working on the computer or texting a friend they have used their time-management skills to fit about 10 hours and 45 minutes worth of media content into those 7 hours and 38 minutes.

With teens spending so much time working on-line via social networking sites, emailing, texting, visiting chat rooms, or just surfing the net, it's important that parents review the following Cyber Etiquette tips with their teen."

The article continues on to discuss tips such as, don't use ALL CAPS when posting and don't talk to strangers. It feels a bit weird that parents should discuss internet etiquette with their teens but that's just because I didn't grow up with computers until I got to college (I mean, I remember a time when I had a typewriter...!). The tips the author discusses are all valid and I'm sure are important to discuss, but I have to admit, the article went in an entirely different direction than I was expecting. After that dire introduction, I had expected that the author was going to discuss limiting time spent on technology for children and teenagers. And, in fact, she does actually mention it, but only as a "PS" at the very end: "Bonus Tip: Set time parameters on how long you're on the computer. The computer will never take the place of a person. Too much of anything is unhealthy so don't let cyberspace consume your life." 

Now, let me be the first to say that I've definitely been guilty of placating children with a movie or a game on my phone when I lost patience with trying to entertain them in an engaging and personal manner. And, actually, I don't think this is too terrible of a thing every once in a while. After all, in order to care well for our children, we, as adults, need to retain some sanity, no? However, I do get worried when I think of having children someday in a world that is so dependent on technology. I worry about how socialized my children will be if they spend most of their days interacting with an inanimate object. With visual and auditory over-stimulation at its finest in video games and movies and communication via texting and IMing lacking subtle cues that are only available face-to-face (emoticons :) do not count), I wonder if my children will grow up lacking sensitivity and empathy. I wonder if they will be able to understand and value the simple joys of taking a walk, watching a sunset, or spending a quiet, lazy afternoon reading a book. Though perhaps I shouldn't be so gloom and doom, there was a time when people thought rock and roll would be the cause for great decline in children and teenagers. 

More Evidence for Breathing as Treatment!

This morning, I came across an email from a friend of mine in Switzerland who has apparently been a regular reader of this blog. He forwarded a link to me of an article on NPR that again touts the benefits of a regular breathing practice to relieve stress, improve the immune response, and even affect the expression of genes! Who knew that something so simple and automatic as breathing can have such a positive effect if only we bring our attention to it? (I guess Indian gurus have known for centuries, which should be even more reassuring, breathing, or "pranayama," is an ancient practice that has been perfected over time, available to the western world to reap its benefits. So, check out the following article and try it out sometime! (PS, thanks Sandi for thinking to send this to me!)

Just Breathe: Body Has A Built-In Stress Reliever

by GRETCHEN CUDA

 

December 6, 2010

There are plenty of ways to relieve stress — exercise, a long soak in a hot bath, or even a massage. But believe it or not, something you're doing right now, probably without even thinking about it, is a proven stress reliever: breathing.

As it turns out, deep breathing is not only relaxing, it's been scientifically proven to affect the heart, the brain, digestion, the immune system — and maybe even the expression of genes.

Mladen Golubic, a physician in the Cleveland Clinic's Center for Integrative Medicine, says that breathing can have a profound impact on our physiology and our health.

"You can influence asthma; you can influence chronic obstructive pulmonary disease; you can influence heart failure," Golubic says. "There are studies that show that people who practice breathing exercises and have those conditions — they benefit."

He's talking about modern science, but these techniques are not new. In India, breath work calledpranayama is a regular part of yoga practice. Yoga practitioners have used pranayama, which literally means control of the life force, as a tool for affecting both the mind and body for thousands of years.

To read the full article, click here to head to NPR's website.

More Yoga News

www.stroga.com

Hey there folks! Just wanted to share some exciting news! I'm going to be teaching a Vinyasa Flow class on Thursdays at 12:30-1:30PM at Stroga in Adams Morgan, Washington, DC.  What, pray tell, is Stroga? Well, it's a yoga studio/group fitness space. Basically, if you were to strip a gym of the weights and cardio and everything and just leave behind yoga and group exercise classes, you'd have Stroga. The classes tend to cater to a population who are perhaps not as interested in the more esoteric side of yoga - the chanting, meditation, and breathing. Though it is true that most classes begin and end with a few Oms, setting of intentions, and breathing is still very much emphasized.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about this. It felt like they were stripping yoga of its heart and soul and all you're left with is your typical exercise class. Well, here's the thing, that's how I came to yoga initially. I viewed yoga purely as something I enjoyed doing that would increase my flexibility, strength, and fitness. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I thought I might lose a bit of weight too. But, over time as I continued to practice, I noticed yoga's effects on my thoughts and emotions more so than on my body and began to value it for its spiritual benefits. So, maybe a place like Stroga can appeal to a different sort of folks who might have hesitated to enter a typical yoga studio and over time they may come to the same revelations I did through a regular practice. Or, maybe not, and I think that's still okay. Who am I to judge?

And honestly, I really don't note too much of a difference, if any, at all, in my own style of teaching or the types of classes I enjoy from what they offer at Stroga. The instructors are all well-trained and truly understand the mechanics as well as the spirit of yoga. You can even take a restorative class at Stroga which is certainly as far away from cardio and sweat as possible. So there won't be any compromising or anything in my teaching. If there were, I'm pretty sure I couldn't teach there. So, if you're in DC and happen to be available on Thursdays from 1230-130, then I'd love to see you at my class!

Namaste!

A Yummy Teaser

“To feel safe and warm on a cold wet night, all you really need is soup.” - Laurie Colwin

Do you love soup as much as I do? Especially on a wet, blustery day like today? Well, even if you don't I just had to share the best homemade vegetable soup recipe ever! It comes from a friend of mine from college, Tara Barker, who is a pastry chef in Rockland, ME. She's also the author of a beautiful blog called A Baking Life. She happens also to have Celiac Disease (which is maybe a bit ironic for a pastry chef) so all of her recipes are gluten-free. And before you thumb your nose at the idea of gluten-free pastries, you have to try her recipes. Plus, the photos on her site are gorgeous and she's got a couple of beautiful little boys decorating her pages with their impish smiles and excited grins. But, that's beside the point.

Recently, I decided to try my hand at her recipe for "School Soup." It's basically a vegetable soup jazzed up with something called Nutritional Yeast. Hmmm, doesn't really sound all that appetizing, but what the hey, I'll try it.

Just a Few Theories of Therapy

Hey there readers! I took a short break from writing in order to head to my mom's place for some good, old-fashioned Thanksgiving family togetherness. I may never be hungry again. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend yourselves! Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Potential clients or other therapists often ask me what my theoretical orientation is to psychotherapy. I often find it somewhat difficult to answer this question because I don't consider myself to be beholden to one style of therapy over another. It's been my experience that different people respond to different approaches and therefore no one is better than another. However, I will say that I have a specific perspective from which I approach different psychotherapy styles. It's called the Strengths-Based Perspective (a radical departure from our very deficit-based society). The strengths-based perspective seeks to locate a client's strengths and build upon them to create solutions to problems. Strengths-based practice uses empowerment language in order to help a client reframe his or her perception of problems. This reframing attempts to encourage in a client a positive assessment of his or her inherent and unique abilities to understand, process, and solve their problems.

Typical of my eclectic brand of therapy and perhaps a bit more Psychodynamically leaning, I think there has to be at least some "problem" talk in therapy. It is an honor and a privilege to be a therapist - to be given so much trust and to be allowed into someone's deepest, darkest, most private thoughts.

An Instruction Manual for Relationships

I'm always a bit wary when I receive an advertisement for a therapy workshop or conference entitled "At last! Five tips to cure your patient!" As if the human condition can be boiled down to 10 steps or less. But every once in a while I come across an article that may be useful even with the understanding that rarely can anything be so simply solved by following a list of rules. This morning I came across an article in Psychology Today that attempts to come up with a list (not exhaustive by the author's own admission) of items that people should consider if and when they are trying to make a romantic relationship work for the long haul. One of my favorites is:  

"Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader."

If nothing else, this list might be a good reminder for both of you to take the time and effort to nurture your relationship with your loved one. 

Relationship Rules - Tips on how to build a healthy love life with your spouse

Author: Hara Estroff Marano 

[...] From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door. I won't test you on them—but life will.

• Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

A Yoga Rebirth

The following post is a partial re-post of something I wrote years ago, but would like to share again with you guys. Thanks for reading!

Megan Riley, yoga instructor, demonstrating Sukhasana

As some of you might know, I'm not only a therapist, I'm also a yoga instructor. For me, yoga amidst happiness is pure bliss, but perhaps more significant, yoga amidst adversity can be times for growth and change, however painful. Whenever life seems to get a little too tough, I always know I can come to my mat, find my focus, release my brain from endless cycles of thought, and come out a refreshed and revitalized woman.  

How many of us lie awake nights or find ourselves drifting off in the middle of our workday dwelling and brooding on our troubles of the moment? How many sleepless nights and less-than-productive workdays? When I'm in the middle of a tough, sweaty session of yoga, there's no room left in my mind, body, or soul to focus on anything but the alignment of my knee and the opening of my chest as I reach for the stretch or command my body to lift gracefully in a strength pose. A moving meditation. "Yoga citta vrtti nirodha." The second of Patanjali's yoga sutras.

Not quite a twinkie, not quite a lemon, more of a Banana Nilla Pudding with Whipped Cream?

Recently, I've had a number of clients come to me specifically drawn to choose me out of the vast array of therapists out there because I'm Asian. These clients are themselves Asian-American and were interested in meeting with someone who shares a similar background as they in order to discuss cultural identity issues with greater depth.

It really shouldn't surprise me that confusion or angst over cultural identity could be a problem for Asian-Americans or really, any children of immigrants to the United States, considering that my own thoughts have often dwelled on the question of identity from time to time in the past. Growing up, it sometimes felt like I carried a passport around with me, entering the United States when I went to school and entering South Korea when I stepped into my house or church. The rules, customs, food, and language were completely different. As I got older, my two distinct cultural identities sometimes conflicted with one another and made life a bit more complicated. My family was very involved in the local Korean-American community and I would feel pressure from them to conform to the standards they understood and believed in. At the same time, I was encouraged to assimilate with American culture in order to do well in school and become successful professionally. Eventually, it can become difficult for the individual to reconcile the internal conflict and nearly impossible to please everyone including oneself.

P.S.

One readers' response to my post about women and singlehood:

I have smiled, laughed and been "happy" more often than not over the past 29 years of my life. I see life as a gift and meant to be lived to the fullest and I am not unaware of the bounty of blessings I have. I'm light-hearted, even during some truly sucky periods, but hey, that's life and I've experienced enough to know that it's not always peachy keen, not even close. My first instinct is to see the BIG picture and I'm positive to a fault (my optimism and hopefulness would probably make you want to punch me in the face or vomit some of the time). I can give myself or anyone else THE pep talk any day of the week.

That being said, a whole host of difficult and gut-wrenching curve balls are currently being hurled my way (so much so, that I'm drinking a ton of Zen green tea hoping that an avalanche of wisdom will come to me through some sort of cosmic osmosis, I'll keep you posted on if it actually works out)! The current state I find myself is generally reflective and thoughtful. I've had a ton of commuting to do as of late, so I've had some time to think. "Think," so I don't enter into some crazy road rage!

So...I have some questions with regards to love and relationships for you dear readers of Cindy's blog. What if you have reached a point in your life where you have a deepened understanding of who you are and what you want and, what if you've discovered what you really want is exceedingly "traditional," dare I say, ultra conservative? Yep, I'm talking about the marriage+babies kind of traditional, and what is sooo wrong about wanting just that? I seriously feel like I might've missed my chance because I was too busy gallivanting around the city, trying to live the life I thought would bring me closer to what I want and swooning over the potential with some dude who's clearly turned out to be not for me, not for the long haul. 

So how does a mostly hopeful, grounded person not freak out when it feels like time is running out? What if the love, marriage and kids never come? What then?

You're All Beautiful!

 

Hey There! Hola! Bonjour! Guten tag! こんにちは! Hej! привет! Halo! Ciao!

Why all the different languages? Because today, dear readers, I discovered a button hitherto unexplored on my blogspot page. Who knew that I can track pageviews and referral sources and...countries in which you lovely people are checking out my blog from?! 


I am just floored to note that I have readers all the way out in Russia, Indonesia, Japan, Italy, Denmark, Canada, Switzerland, and of course, the US. So, I thought it's a good time to take a moment and say thank you and I certainly hope that my humble thoughts are interesting and potentially somewhat entertaining. I am constantly inspired to put thoughts to paper (or macbook) by loved ones who are certainly more interesting than lil ol' me, so I invite readers to send me emails of what you all might be interested in regarding the wonderful world of therapy and humanity or perhaps a story of your own that you'd like to be posted. 


I'm headed out of town this weekend to visit my mom on Long Island for some good old-fashioned home-cooking. I know you're jealous and yes, you should be, since my mom's the best cook in the world (at least when it comes to Korean food). I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures and post!


Thank you again and have a wonderful weekend!

Women and Singlehood

A beautiful, successful, loving, and sassy friend of mine admitted to me some fears she's been harboring of late. (I got permission from her to publish this post!) She's just turned 29 and the fact of her current singledom (among some other uberly tough things) has become a point of personal pain. The following excerpt is an edited script of our most recent conversation:

Friend: I'm worried about being single and 29  and about life in general.
Me: Eh, nothing to worry about, trust me. I have a friend who is contemplating divorce and she's 32.
Friend: Yeah, but at least she was married before, I would rather be divorced than single. Is that bad? I feel like a failure.

Breaks your heart doesn't it? As you may note from my introduction, she is most definitely not a failure. To even think that she could be defined as a failure is laughable and yet, I think I understand where she's coming from. Who among us hasn't experienced that fear of never finding that special someone with whom to share the rest of your life? For some men and women, career success, supportive friends, and hobbies in which they have passion simply aren't enough to feel fulfilled. It may sound selfish or whiny, but who can blame anyone for yearning for that unique sense of comfort and safety that you can only find with a romantic partner?

Letting a kid be...a kid!

I was directed to a beautiful blog post today written by a courageous, strong-willed, grizzly-bear of a mama! Her words are so poignant (and spunky!) given today's climate of intolerance and I applaud her decision to stand by her son regardless of what others might say, think, or do. Stigma of any kind whether it be in regards to weight, gender, religion, mental illness, sexual orientation, or HIV status is absolutely abhorrent and should have no place in civilized society. Only last week I was horrified to learn that the vice-president of the school board in Arkansas publicly announced on his facebook page that he wants gay people to commit suicide and enjoys "the fact that [gay people] give each other AIDS and die." Holy hate-mongering idiot, Batman! The ensuing outcry was of such intensity that he was forced to resign his post as a shaper of young people's minds, phew! Thank goodness there are people out there who are willing to defend the youth of Arkansas. But it's time to take an active role in preserving human rights, not just a reactive one. Read on and let me know what you think about Cop's Wife's story!

Click on the following link to read the full post at: http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/

Fall Colors

A couple of weekends ago, I headed to George Washington National Forest in Virginia for a couple days of camping, hiking, and generally getting back in touch with nature. While it may not have been the most comfortable sleep of my life, it was a truly magical experience. It was a clear night with a huge full moon that illuminated the forest so brightly it was actually lighter out at midnight than it was at seven in the morning when the sun hadn't yet managed to peak out from behind the mountains. Living in the city, you get used to a sometimes frenetic pace of work and play until you collapse on the couch in physical and emotional exhaustion, able to do nothing more than stare aimlessly at the blank t.v. screen for a full twenty minutes before rousing enough to change positions before both legs fall asleep. (This might be an accurate description of me at 12:40pm today...) Though the city is filled with people busily living their lives, it can feel like a de-humanizing existence at times. In stark contrast, the woods where I slept felt ALIVE! The whistling wind, crisp, cold air, rustling leaves and dive-bombing acorns created a symphony of sound that served as a backdrop to all the nocturnal activities of unseen insects and forest creatures.

Laughter as Medicine?

"Laughter is a bodily exercise precious to health." ~ Aristotle

In life, there's very little that feels better than a deep, belly laugh that leaves you tearing up and practically gasping for breath. When's the last time you felt that wonderful, silly release? As an adult, how often do you note a child's easy and carefree laughter and smile to yourself wistfully that those days are gone? But, hey, wait a minute. Whoever said that adults can't laugh with the same wanton air?

The Relaxation Response

In 1975, Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist and founder of the Mind/Body Medical Institute at Mass General Hospital in Boston, published a ground-breaking book called, "The Relaxation Response." In it, he discussed his discovery of what he called The Relaxation Response, defined in Mosby's Medical Dictionary as "a protective mechanism against stress that brings about decreased heart rate, lower metabolism, and decreased respiratory rate. It is the physiologic opposite of the "fight or flight," or stress, response." Stress, as you probably already know, can bring on or exacerbate physical and emotional health problems so it stands to reason that anything that can decrease stress is pretty darn great! And, if you have any doubts of the efficacy, check out MBMI's published research and clinical findings at http://www.mgh.harvard.edu/bhi/research/clinical_findings.aspx. So now that we know it works, let's see what it takes to trigger relaxation.

Fortunately, it's not actually all that terribly hard. The recommendation is to take somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes twice a day, preferably before breakfast and before dinner, and sit quietly and comfortably in privacy.

Comforting Rituals

To me, one of the most relaxing and satisfying things is to cook a delicious and healthy meal for my family.  As the weather begins to cool and the leaves start to turn glorious reds, yellow, and oranges, I get the urge to experiment with squashes and greens, maybe creating a beautiful risotto or a sturdy stew. The process of following a recipe and concentrating on the ingredients at hand becomes a kind of meditation. Chopping, slicing, mincing, sauteing, seasoning, tasting, and serving. The best times are when the phone and television are off and the strains of  soothing music are heard gently in the background.

It may sound familiar to folks that physical exercise like running, swimming, or biking can be a tremendous stress-buster. It's absolutely true, and the physical health benefits to the cardio-vascular system are also extremely important. When it comes to stress reduction in particular, research has shown that repetitive, productive, and creative activity using your hands is an excellent and even more effective treatment for the symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Risky Business

"The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!" - General George S. Patton

Lately I've been thinking alot about taking risks. It's overwhelming and frightening but the potential for reward can be huge. Everyday, we take risks both big and small from deciding on a new flavored latte over your usual morning cup of joe to agreeing to a first date with a virtual stranger to quitting your job and pursuing alternative career goals. Many times, decisions are made after a careful analysis of the costs and benefits associated with each choice. What if I don't like the latte and end up half-asleep all morning until I can run out and get my normal coffee at lunch? What if it's amazing and I've been missing out on something all this time that I've been prudently sticking with the tried and true? 

Making the Decision to Begin Therapy

I was lucky enough to guest post on Jessica McFadden's popular blog at http://aparentinsilverspring.com/2010/09/making-the-decision-to-begin-therapy.html.

On her blog, she posts about activities to do with children as well as parenting resources around the Washington, DC area. I decided to write a post about the arduous and oftentimes scary process of engaging in therapy. Read below for the full post or click on the link above to bring you to Jessica's blog!

Welcome!

"To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach." ~Havelock Ellis

Every once in a while you find yourself needing some help patching up the bumps and bruises you receive while wending your way through life. A friend or a family member becomes a source of support and you manage to bandage your hurts and pick yourself up, ready to tackle a new day. But then there are those times when it seems your problems are too big, too unwieldy to be solved in a discussion with friends or during your daily run. At those times, mental health therapy with a licensed therapist can be the key to eventually finding peace, balance, and a clearer outlook on life and your place within your environment.