Dealing with a Loss

I was at the office yesterday meeting with clients when I received an email from a former coworker at the gym at which I teach yoga classes. It was entitled, "Sad News." Sad news indeed, I found out that one of my coworkers, a personal trainer at NW Sport and Health, had died yesterday in a freak accident while on his way to work. A tree branch had fallen, knocking him unconscious and caused such grave injuries that he passed yesterday morning. Ben was a wonderfully sweet and happy man, generous with his smiles and warm personality. Even when I first met him, he went out of his way to make me feel welcome and a part of the Sport and Health family. I'm so deeply saddened and shocked that such a good, kind, and young man was snuffed out so suddenly and so completely. Added to this, I also learned that his father had died just a month earlier and having been an only child, I can only imagine what his mother is going through now.

I prepared myself to teach class this morning, not knowing if/how class would be affected by the shocking news. As the students filed into the class, a somber mood permeated the room and we ended up having an impromptu chat session about thoughts and feelings. Many of the women, mothers themselves, found themselves weeping in support of Ben's mother. I related to the ladies that Ben himself had been in training to become a yoga teacher and had found joy and peace in the practice. We decided to dedicate our practice to his memory and closed the class with a quote: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay for a while, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."

The shocking and sudden nature of Ben's death reminds me of Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech back in 2005. It reminds me to live every day to the fullest. To experience, in the present, each day, moment by moment. I can't say it any better than he did, so I'll paste some passages from his speech here and encourage everyone to breathe and truly live.

Excerpts from Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech, 2005:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. 

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

{...}

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Homework: Read this Article

Hey there folks, I seem to be on a blog posting roll this week. Probably because this course I'm taking is endlessly thought provoking!

So, I came across this article on Psychology Today and am very interested in responding to it and posing some questions and statements on the differences between Western and Eastern philosophies that makes acceptance of mindfulness so difficult for us at times. But before I do that, I thought I'd give you all a chance to read it so you'll know what the heck I'm talking about!

Happy reading! (Also, I have no idea at all why the lines of the article following are highlighted. My limited technical skills have been trumped on this one, my apologies if it's bothersome! Just head straight on over to the article, it's much more pleasant to read there!)

Pumpkins, Burning Leaves, and Apple Picking, oh my!

I fully recognize that my next statement may be quite polarizing and controversial.

Source: http://www.naturepicoftheday.com/archive/2008-11-05

I LOVE FALL; especially because it means the end of summer!!!!

Okay, go ahead, call me names, I can take it and I won't back down. For me, it's quite the toss-up of what I like better, fall or spring. The thing is I'm pretty sure I like winter a smidge more than summer too. (feel like I should have whispered that last sentence)

Anyway, beginning yesterday there was that particular nip in the air that heralds the coming of fall. Don't get me wrong, I love sand between my toes and diving into an ocean wave, but I hate mosquitoes, sweating, moving from air-conditioned box to air-conditioned box, feeling lazy because the heat has sucked the energy out of me, and not being able to run outdoors. (Some people still run outside in the dead of summer, God bless the crazy fools!)

Today I went to Starbuck's and got my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. I sipped all that yummy goodness while taking a stroll in my neighborhood park under blue skies and crisp sunshine. I had long sleeves on, jeans, and sandals. True and utter bliss. I took in the sounds of the kids playing, checked out what might be ripe in the community vegetable garden, felt the slight breeze on my skin; everything felt more colorful, more rich, even my coffee tasted better! Now that I'm thinking of it though, maybe this is also due to the fact that I've just started a "Mindfulness and Psychotherapy" course. In my experience as a therapist, I've learned to doubt that events are just coincidence. Most often, when something feels different within, especially if it seems out-of-the-blue, something else coincides with it, and that other thing ends up being the source of the change, whether positive or negative. The following is a scenario that happens more often than not during a session:

Ten Years Later

Yesterday morning, I settled into my seat on the Metro on my way to a meeting and opened up the day's Express newspaper. The issue delved into the effect that 9/11 has had on people ten years later. I hadn't thought too terribly much about 9/11 in recent years but as soon as I read only the caption of the picture I found tears pricking at my eyes. I paused to get myself together (I was on the metro after all), continued to read and got about three sentences in before I could feel a for-serious "ugly cry" welling up! First of all, I should say that I am not a crier. I used to wonder if I didn't have as much depth of emotion as others because of my general lack of tears. So, the fact that my emotions are still so close to the surface when I'm reminded of 9/11 is, in a way, surprising. Needless to say, I decided to tuck the paper back in my bag to be opened again in privacy later.

Phew! What a week...

Okay, this post doesn't really have much to do with therapy or wellness, but I'm feeling the urge to write and share, so apologies if I end up boring you! This past week has been one interesting roller coaster, right? It all started on Tuesday at around 1:50PM. I was at my kitchen table working on some invoices for my practice when all of a sudden I thought I'd been transported through space back to NYC right next to or on top of a subway line because the whole house started to shake and I could hear a slight roaring sound. Then I realized that no, I'm still in DC and the sound and the shaking are getting louder and worse, could this possibly be, gulp!, an earthquake?!